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30 January 2013 @ 05:02 pm
Nothing without you.  
Title: Nothing without you
Pairings: Fili/Kili (non-slash)
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: lilja_june/vollmondnacht
Genre: Gen
Rating: PG
Summary: Another prompt from hiding_amaranth: "The day Thorin showed up at his sister’s home in the Blue Mountains, he initially planned on asking only Fíli whether he’d join him on his quest; but Kíli couldn’t accept that so easily."
Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit or any of the characters.
Comments: I decided to change the prompt a tiny bit... in my version, it's more Fíli than Kíli who can't accept that Kíli isn't supposed to join them on the quest. I hope it's still what Vanessa had in mind ;) And I realise that with every fic I write, it gets less and less slashy... but at least there's cuddling?

Nothing without you

Kíli knew exactly what was happening when Thorin came to their house one day. There had been rumours for weeks, about his uncle going on a journey with the purpose of slaying Smaug and reclaiming Erebor. But Thorin hadn’t shared his intentions with Fíli and him. Not yet, at least. So when their uncle arrived that day, looking even more serious than usually, Kíli knew what was going on. He was going to ask them to join him.

His excitement about that only lasted for a short time, though. Because Thorin had barely entered the room when he stated that he wanted to talk to Fíli and ordered Kíli out of the room. Kíli’s face fell. “I’m not a child anymore! You can’t just tell me to leave,” he complained, looking at his uncle incredulously. “I said I want to talk to your brother alone. And I can very well tell you what to do. Leave the room, Kíli,” Thorin repeated. Kíli looked at his brother, silently asking him to back him up, but Fíli just shrugged helplessly.

Kíli glared at his uncle before leaving the room, slamming the door on his way out. He was already halfway out of the house to sulk somewhere else when he remembered that while Thorin had told him to leave, he hadn’t specifically forbidden him to stay near the door… and listen to the conversation. He made his way back quietly and leaned against the wall next to the door.

Fíli and Thorin were speaking quietly, but being a young dwarf, Kíli’s hearing was better than most other dwarves’ and he could still make out what they were saying. He had obviously missed the part of the conversation where Thorin confirmed the rumours about the journey to Erebor and his intention of taking Fíli along. Kíli was still mad. At Thorin for obviously thinking he was still a child and wanting to leave him behind. And at his brother, for not trying to change that fact. So he was surprised when he heard what his brother proceeded to say…

“Thorin… consider this again. You’re being cruel by denying Kíli to join us. I know he’s still young, but I’m only five years older than him and what are five years?” Fíli tried to reason with his uncle.
“It’s not just about his age, Fíli. You have a responsibility that he lacks. He’ll get himself into trouble… and the rest of us by extension.”

Kíli almost snorted at hearing that. So that’s what his uncle thought of him? Well, that was good to know…

“I know he tends to be… reckless, “Fíli replied now, “But I know him better than anyone else. And he might just be braver than most dwarves who are twice his age. And have you seen his skills with bow and arrow lately? He’s easily the best archer here in Ered Luin.”

Kíli grinned. Leave it to Fíli to praise him. The brothers rarely talked about their opinions of each other much, they didn’t need words to confirm what the other one thought. But hearing Fíli say something like that, it felt good to hear him say it aloud. But he didn’t know if Fíli’s assessment would be enough to sway Thorin… A silence had fallen inside the room. Could it be that his uncle was actually contemplating changing his mind?

It was Fíli who spoke up again. “Give him a chance, Thorin. Give us a chance to prove ourselves. I promise we’ll both do our best not to disappoint you.”

Kíli heard Thorin sigh. “You don’t understand, Fíli. I never doubted yours, nor Kíli’s skills. I have seen both of you fight and were this about skills alone, I wouldn’t hesitate to take you both with me.”

Thorin paused and Kíli was confused. If this wasn’t about skill, what reasons could his uncle possibly have to not want him there?

“I also know that both of you are loyal to me and that I can count on you.” “So what is this about then? You must have your reasons?” Fíli asked. “I am only going to say this once, and don’t you dare interrupt me,” Thorin’s voice was even quieter when he continued and Kíli practically glued himself to the door, pressing his ear against the wood to be able to understand what his uncle said.

“I am scared, Fíli. Not for me, no. Reclaiming Erebor is something I have to do to be at peace with myself and if I fail, then it cannot be changed and I will have done my best to try. What I’m scared about is dragging you and your brother into this with me. This isn’t your quest. You have never even seen Erebor, it has no meaning for you.”

“But we-“ Fíli started but Thorin stopped him. “I told you not to interrupt. If I had any other choice, I wouldn’t ask this of you. But there are barely enough of us as it is and I need any dwarf who is willing and able to fight. I know that if I went by this logic, I would have to take you and Kíli both with me. But I’m going to be honest with you… I had hoped to leave at least Kíli out of this. In fact, I would prefer to leave you both here, but I can’t. It would have been reassuring to know that at least one of you is safe here at home.”

Kíli was torn. This was the first time he had heard Thorin actually say out loud that he cared about them, that he worried for their safety. But he also heard another implication in it. Thorin still thought they were too young. He thought they were going to be a burden when they came along because he would have to look after them.

As so often, Fíli’s thoughts went into a similar direction. “We’re not children anymore. We can look after ourselves and we won’t be a burden. I hate to defy you… but I’m not doing this without my brother. You get either both of us, or none at all.”

Kíli’s eyes widened and he expected Thorin to start yelling at his brother for that. Talking to an older dwarf, to his uncle at that, like that… well, it was daring to say the least. But the shouting never came. Instead, Thorin’s voice sounded… sad, almost defeated as he continued.

“I should have known you weren’t going to accept this. I know well enough that you aren’t children anymore. But to me, it seems like only yesterday that you were two little dwarflings who had nothing on their minds but mischief. If something happens to you on that journey, if one of you dies… it would be my fault and I couldn’t forgive myself for dragging you into it.”

The room fell silent for a moment and the only thing Kíli could hear was his own heart thumping in his chest. Did that mean he got to go? Or had Thorin changed his mind completely and they were both to stay?

Fíli spoke up again, his voice calm and solemn. “Don’t worry about us. Kíli and I are going to take care of each other, we’ll protect each other. It has always been like that and so it will be on this journey. We don’t need anyone else looking after us. We’re a team and we fight as one, that’s our advantage.”

“Fine,” Thorin said gruffly, “You’ll leave in two days. I have to leave earlier. We’ll meet in a place called the Shire. The wizard Gandalf has promised to find another member for our party there, a burglar. He’ll have marked the right door with a sign… You don’t have to tell your brother that, he’s been listening in front of the door the whole time anyway.”

The door opened in that moment and Kíli was so surprised that he stumbled back a few steps and almost tripped over his own feet. He was met with an exasperated sigh by Thorin. “Don’t make me regret my decision,” he said and with that he left.

Several hours and an argument with their mother Dís (who had not been happy about the news but had no other choice than to accept it finally) later, the brothers were in the room they shared. Fíli was lying on his bed, in thought and staring up at the ceiling.

“Did you have to eavesdrop?” he asked Kíli. His younger brother looked at him. “Oh and you wouldn’t have done the same?” he retorted. “… probably,” Fíli admitted and smiled.

“Move over…” Kíli sat down on the edge of the bed and then moved to lie down next to Fíli when he had made space for him on the small bed. “Are you excited?” Fíli asked, turning over on his side to face Kíli. “Hmm… less than I thought I would be. Mother’s lecture earlier ruined all the fun.” “She’s just worried about us,” Fíli said and reached forward to brush a strand of stray hair out of Kíli’s eyes.

“Would you really have stayed here if Thorin hadn’t agreed to let me come as well?” Kíli asked quietly. “What do you think, silly?” Fíli chuckled, “Of course I would have. An adventure without my little brother could never be a good adventure.”

Kíli smiled but then he remembered something. “Did you mean everything you said to Thorin earlier?” “Of course, I did… why do you ask?” “Also the bit where you said I was brave and the best archer here?” Kíli asked bashfully. “Yes,” Fíli answered, “But don’t let that get to your head now.” He ruffled Kíli’s already unruly hair, messing it up even more.

“I also meant the rest, you know? I’m nothing without you. I’m only confident when you’re around and… I know I couldn’t pull this through without you. So if you look at it that way… it was a rather selfish thing to do, to persuade Thorin to let us both come.” “But it’s what we both want,” Kíli said and inched closer, pressing their foreheads together, “Selfish or not… thank you. And well, you know I could never just let you leave and have all the fun without me! Plus… someone has to make sure you come home in one piece.”

Fíli laughed. “Are you sure it’s not gonna be me making sure you stay alive? After all, you’ve proved to be the accident-prone one of us.” “Each other…” Kíli said, almost whispering, “We’re gonna protect each other.” Fíli nodded and wrapped his arms around his brother, hugging him tightly.

“Fíli?” Kíli asked. “Hmm?” Fíli replied, still not letting go of his brother. “Can I sleep here with you tonight?” They hadn’t shared a bed since they had been children but Kíli felt like they needed each other tonight. Whether they admitted it or not, both of them were as scared as they were excited about the upcoming adventure. And tonight might be the last chance for them to let their guard down.

Fíli’s answer was to pull the blankets up over both of them. “Kíli, promise me not to do anything stupid and dangerous?” Kíli chuckled. “I can try… if you promise not to worry too much? We’ll be fine. We always are.” Fíli nodded slowly as Kíli made himself comfortable, snuggling against him in the process. “We always are…” he repeated quietly.
 
 
Current Mood: okayokay
 
 
 
glimmerellaglimmerella on January 30th, 2013 04:14 pm (UTC)
“Would you really have stayed here if Thorin hadn’t agreed to let me come as well?” Kíli asked quietly. “What do you think, silly?” Fíli chuckled, “Of course I would have. An adventure without my little brother could never be a good adventure.”

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Ah, I am SO feeling the love! :)
Hannalilja_june on January 30th, 2013 04:27 pm (UTC)
i'm glad you do! :D thanks for the comment.
Alanijaerdfrauchen on January 30th, 2013 06:24 pm (UTC)
Also dass Thorin überhaupt auf die Idee gekommen ist, nur Fili mitzunehmen! Das war ja nicht besonders durchdacht von ihm. Aber Fili hat mich natürlich nicht enttäuscht, weil war ja klar, dass er nicht ohne Kili gehen würde. Wie könnte er auch..

Aber ich wüsste ja schon gern, woher Thorin wusste, dass Kili an der Tür gelauscht hat ^^ Ich mein.. er glaubt ernsthaft daran, dass er Fili dazu bekommen könnte ohne seinen Bruder auf großes Abenteuer zu gehen, aber er kennt Kili gut genug, um zu wissen, dass er an der Tür lauscht? Ersteres war dann wohl eher die Hoffnung als tatsächliches Glauben. Erklärt, warum er dann auch so schnell nachgegeben hat xD

Das Schlimme ist ja bloß, ich kann nichts mehr lesen, ohne immer an das unausweichliche Ende denken zu müssen ;_; Das ist so was von nicht fair!
Hätten die beiden nicht wie versprochen vernünftig aufeinander aufpassen können? .______. Immer diese leeren Versprechungen vor Beginn der Reise.

Aber das Ende war trotzdem so süß <3 So viel Bruderliebe *mihihi* Ich finds auch gar nicht so schlimm, dass du immer weniger slashig wirst, weil die beiden sind einfach so toll, auch nur als Brüder, dass es gar nicht unbedingt mehr braucht, weil awww <3

Ich freu mich, dass du endlich wieder was geschrieben hast :)))
Hannalilja_june on January 30th, 2013 06:28 pm (UTC)
endlich ist gut... 2 wochen! sind keine ewigkeit :P
foxraferfoxrafer on January 31st, 2013 11:47 am (UTC)
I like how Fili reasons with his uncle, in an effort to get at the real reasons for Thorin's concerns.
Hanna: hobbit: kili and filililja_june on January 31st, 2013 12:37 pm (UTC)
i don't think he even started out with these intentions... he just wanted kili to come, too. and the rest of the conversation just sort of... happened? x) (my muses totally have a life of their own)
sunny_rainfallsunny_rainfall on February 3rd, 2013 08:18 am (UTC)
That was lovely
Hanna: hobbit: i just met youlilja_june on February 3rd, 2013 09:37 am (UTC)
Thank you :)