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15 January 2013 @ 08:31 pm
First & Last.  
Title: First & Last
Pairings: Fili/Kili (non-slash)
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: lilja_june/vollmondnacht
Genre: Gen, Drama
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Major character death
Summary: Fili and Kili start forming a bond that is exceptionally close, even for brothers. Fili doesn’t let Kili out of his sight unless he has to and even that usually ends with a crying baby brother who can only be consoled by Fili and no one else.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit or any of the characters.
Comments: So when I try to write a sweet story about Fili's and Kili's brotherly relationship, I end up with this. I'm honestly sorry and I made myself cry while writing it. Oh the feels... oh yeah and it's non-slash but if you squint you can still see it like that ;)

First & Last

Fili is a bit scared when his mother tells him he’ll get a little brother. (Or a sister, for that matter. But Fili is five years old and girls are annoying, so he instantly decides it’s going to be a brother. Because really, a little sister, that would just be awful.) He’s bit worried that they won’t get along. From what he has learned by watching other siblings in their community, younger brothers can be a pain in the arse.

However, Fili changes his mind when his little brother is born and he gets to see him for the first time, nothing more than a tiny bundle in his mother’s arms. Fili hesitantly climbs up on the bed next to his mother. How can he be so tiny? Fili asks his mother in all honesty if she’s sure that he’s all ready and complete because… he’s just so small.

And Dís just smiles and answers that Fili was once that small as well and yes, she is quite sure his brother is complete. Fili still isn’t all that convinced but decides not to say that.

Then Dís asks him if he wants to hold his brother. Fili nods uncertainly, he’s a little scared of breaking him. His mother carefully hands his brother over to him and now Fili gets a proper look at him. He hasn’t really seen any babies before, they aren’t many dwarves here and until now, he has been the youngest one.

And his brother (“His name is Kili,” Dís says right now) is looking at him, brown eyes blinking curiously. And in that moment, Fili vows always to protect Kili, always to look after him. Or at least until Kili won’t be so awfully small anymore and will be able to look after himself.

Yes, Fili is going to be a good big brother. And as baby Kili yawns and then proceeds to fall asleep in his arms, Fili thinks he might be quite alright for a little brother, too.

Fili and Kili start forming a bond that is exceptionally close, even for brothers. Fili doesn’t let Kili out of his sight unless he has to and even that usually ends with a crying baby brother who can only be consoled by Fili and no one else.

In contrast to learning to walk, Kili takes his sweet time with talking, though (which is a bit ironic considering how much he’s going to talk as he gets older). Kili has always been a little more adventurous than the average dwarf and so he stumbles along after his big brother on wobbly legs long before he starts to talk.

That doesn’t happen until a certain event that involves a cat and a tree. When Kili follows their cat up that tree, he clearly hasn’t thought about how to get down again. He isn’t even up that high but heights are a scary thing when you’re a tiny baby dwarf. Stuck in such a situation, most children would probably call out for their mother.

Not so Kili, though. He is stuck in a tree and has no idea what to do but call for Fili. And so the first thing he ever says turns out to be an outcry of his brother’s name who instantly comes rushing to his aid.

Situations like that one continue to arise throughout their life. Although, as they get older, they start taking turns in bailing each other out of the trouble they’ve gotten themselves into. Life in the Blue Mountains isn’t bad in these days when you’re a young dwarf and don’t have much to worry about and the stories about Erebor and the kingdom under the mountain are nothing to them but exactly that, stories.

As they get older they start to understand the meaning behind the stories and how important it is, especially to their uncle Thorin. And while they are intent on helping him to reclaim the kingdom one day and train to become skilled warriors without much complaint, they never really forget how to have fun. They still act like little children sometimes (more often than not, really), although they’re almost adults now.

Fili wakes up one morning because his brother is basically jumping on the bed, and on him. “Oh god, Kili… let me sleep,” he groans and tries to hide under the blankets. But Kili has other plans. “There’s snow outside,” he says as if that explains everything and leans in close to his brother, pressing his cold nose against Fili’s neck.

Fili tries to jerk away from him, but not to much avail. “You’re fucking cold!” he complains. Kili grins. “And you’re warm,” he replies casually and manages to sneak his hands, as cold as his nose, under Fili’s shirt.

“Can’t I at least sleep in peace on a free day?” Fili sighs. “Hmmm… you’re free to sleep as long as you warm me up,” Kili says and snuggles closer. “That’s a deal,” Fili replies sleepily as he wraps an arm around his brother and goes back to sleep only a few minutes later.

It isn’t much later that Thorin shares his plans about taking back Erebor with them and the brothers are enthusiastic about it. It’s a fact that they’re joining their uncle and no one could stop them from doing so. Their mother has her doubts but she knows better than to argue with them. Or with her brother, for that matter. Dís knows she has no say in this and so she keeps quiet and her fears to herself as she watches them leave.

On the road things are tough but they get by okay. Things could always be worse, Fili reminds himself and is glad he has the most important person in his life with him. Kili equals home for him and keeps him grounded. Fili is sure that he couldn’t even be half as courageous without his brother by his side.

Sometimes when he can’t sleep at night the whole experience scares him, reminds him of all the evil things in this world. But before he can think too much, there are arms wrapping around him in the darkness. And when Fili looks up and sees Kili’s smiling face in the moonlight, close to his own, he remembers that things are still alright. They’ve come so far already and as long as they have each other, there will always be hope.

Months later during battle, hope is a scarce thing to come by. Things aren’t going well at all. They’re losing their ground in this battle and they know it. But Fili and Kili will not back down. They’re fighting alongside Thorin and they’re fighting for Erebor, the kingdom they have only just reclaimed.

The brothers couldn’t care less about the treasures hidden in the mountain, that’s not what it’s about for them. But they’re warriors and they’re Thorin’s heirs, next to him in battle, that’s where they belong.

Fili knows things have taken a turn for the worse when he sees his uncle fall. Kili is instantly there, all but slaying the orc whose spear caused the fall while Fili can only try and block the arrows that come surging in with his shield. But there are too many and then he can only watch as Kili is being pierced by one arrow first, followed by more.

Fili screams out his brother’s name and rushes to him, not caring about the arrows that now rain down on him. He ignores the pain and barely notices Beorn who has come to help them take Thorin away. He cannot save them, too. And it doesn’t matter.

Fili falls down on his knees next to Kili who looks at him, his eyes wide with fear. “Thorin…” Kili says, his voice raspy. “Is safe,” Fili finishes his brother’s sentence.

“So this is what death feels like…” Kili says and he smiles bitterly. Fili pulls him closer so that Kili’s head rests in his lap. “You’re not dying,” he says, cupping his face gently. Kili starts coughing up blood. “You’re deluding yourself, brother. I am and you should save yourself while you still can. I’m lost already…”

Fili pulls Kili closer still and buries his face in his brother’s hair. “I’m not leaving you.” Fili knows he isn’t going to last much longer than Kili. And even if he wasn’t hurt, no force on earth could move him away from his brother now. But now he acts strong for Kili’s sake. His little brother is scared although he tries to mask it and he doesn’t want to make this worse.

“Fool,” Kili whispers and he clings to Fili. “I’m scared,” he admits then, followed by another coughing fit and more blood. “You’re a hero,” Fili says and kisses his brother’s temple, “Don’t be scared. I’m here with you.” He feels Kili getting weaker in his arms, notices how his breathing is starting to become shallow. They look at each other and Fili can only barely hold back the tears. He has failed. He has failed to protect his little brother and now he’s dying. And all he can do is try to make it easier for him.

“Fili…” Kili breathes, barely audible, and Fili waits but Kili says nothing anymore. Kili is dead and his last word is the same as his first one so many years ago. Fili finally breaks down and now the pain comes rushing in. His wounds turn out to be even worse than he thought and he knows he’s going to die right next to Kili.

Always together, even in death. An honourable death, defending their family. And at least death is kind enough to take them together. Not that he could have survived without Kili, Fili thinks while the world and the battle around him start to fade into black nothingness as he loses consciousness. He hopes Kili is waiting for him, whatever there is on the other side.
Current Mood: FEELS
Alanijaerdfrauchen on January 15th, 2013 07:57 pm (UTC)
Du bekommst jetzt ein zweigeteiltes Review.. weil.. also ich hab jetzt den "Früher"-Teil hinter mit und der ist so.. awwwwwwwwww, dass ich das erst mitteilen muss, bevor ich weiterlese und alle die schönen, niedlichen, putzigen Dinge vergessen habe, weil ich ja weiß, dass furchtbare Dinge geschehen werden D:

Aber wie gesagt, dazu später, weil.. das weißt du ja inzwischen, ich liiiiiiebe Baby-Dwarfs <3 So so so putzig *.* Allein schon am Anfang die Begründung, warum Fili einfach weiß, dass es ein Bruder wird. Weil Mädchen doof sind. Na er wird's wissen :D

Und Mensch.. er ist halt einfach der perfekte große Bruder, das ist so süß. Da hat er es auch verdient, dass sein Name das erste wurde, was Kili je gesagt hat *mihihi*

Baby-Dwarfs <3 (und jetzt les ich weiter.. *Taschentuch bereitleg*)

Okay. Ich hasse dich. Nothing more to say.

Und dann hat er "Fili" gesagt und dann.. dann wars um mich geschehen ;____; Da hätte es auch nicht mehr die Erklärung mit dem ersten und letzten Wort gebraucht.. *wein*

..and at least death is kind enough to take them together.
Hannalilja_june on January 15th, 2013 08:14 pm (UTC)
es tut mir ja leeeeeid. aber wenn die idee da ist, kann ich nichts mehr dagegen tun. ignorieren ist doof. und dann wär die ff nix geworden. es sollte nur niedliche baby dwarves werden... aber dann kam das dabei raus ; ;

*dir noch mehr taschentücher geb* ich hab auch geweint. zwei mal. beim vorschreiben und beim abtippen. und dann sah ich zwischendurch nur noch blurry und alles war ganz krakelig.
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Hanna: hobbit: kili and filililja_june on January 16th, 2013 07:57 am (UTC)
i think we all dread that... but tbh, we've all known from the start it would be like that, so. it's not like you can spoil anything when the book's been out since 75 years x) and i think they'll get a better death scene in the movie than just a mention that they died, like in the book. they'd deserve so, at least.

oops, now i wrote such a long comment... thanks for your comment <3
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Vanessahiding_amaranth on January 18th, 2013 11:26 am (UTC)
I think I've never cried so hard while reading fic. And that alone says it all.

Hannalilja_june on January 18th, 2013 11:36 am (UTC)
i killed myself, too!! i was writing and suddenly i started tearing up and i couldn't see because i refused to blink but i still continued writing because i was afraid i'd lose my thread if i stopped. yes. feels, all of them.